7 Decades to Home
by EvySoph
Summary: 7 decades ago. She left for the war, promised she would be home. He left for the war, to become America's patriot. She died, an ocean away for her belief. He cried, for the weight of her empty coffin, for the unsent 978 letters, for their 21 years. 7 decades later. She is awake. He's still fighting for the world, for what she had died for. She finds him. He finds her. She's home.
1. Chapter 1

The first time she was awake, there was no one there; all she saw was a light bulb hovering above the ceiling.

A strange beeping noise.

The smell of infirmary.

Numbness.

She closed her eyes again and before another sleep got to her, she remembered the heat, something bright, the feeling of her flesh being cut. And in that piece of memory, she could here somebody calling her _Jane._

 _September, 1933_

Three knocks on the door. One step back. Count to 10.

"Good morning, Jane, my dear! You're always on time, aren't you?" The door swung open as soon as the 15-year-old girl finished counting, revealing a lovely woman in her apron.

Jane Carnahan smiled at the lady whom she adore as a second mother, knowing that she was always welcomed here in the Rogers household.

"Good day, Sarah." Jane looked over Mrs. Rogers' shoulders. The smell of healthy breakfast was all over the small house, however, a certain someone was still nowhere to be seen. "Steve isn't up yet?"

"Is that a question or a statement?"

"I'm pretty sure that you and I both know the answer for that." Chuckled in delight, she said. The woman beamed softly at the small girl's response. Not a truer one, indeed.

Without having to ask for direction, Jane started marching upstairs as Sarah closed the door and got back to her humble kitchen. Ten years was an awfully long time and it had been ten years of her waking the boy named Steve. So long that it had become a lovable habit.

"Steve, are you up yet?" The redhead called to the door. Instantly, it came a loud thud as something, or in this case, someone had hit the floor in their half-sleep. Jane muffled a laugh when she heard a guilty soft curse inside and exactly five minutes later, a blonde boy staggered into the hall.

"My, my... Look who's finally rise and shine." Jane's lips curled up into a smirl while reaching out to fix Steve's collar. He was short but she wasn't tall either, therefore they were about the same height. Her delicate fingers carefully smoothed off the angles of the fabric while humming happily to a familiar jazz song.

"Sorry, Jane. Sleep wasn't on my favour last night." Steve ruffled his hair bashfully, letting out a tiresome yawn by coincidence.

Jane looked at her best friend and wondered if she could ever get mad at him. She simply didn't have the heart to. They had been friends since her family moved to Brooklyn, New York and Steve had been a sick kid even before that. To the poor boy, spending half of his childhood in bed as a result of a common cold or an unexpected fever was a norm. However, that was only the tip of the iceberg. The number of times Steve got himself into a fight int the name of defending someone from the jerks in town and ended home injured was getting out of hand.

All Steve Rogers wanted and believed in were justice and kindness but God didn't even give him a chance.

"Hey, I get it. You were ill last week. Still need time to recover." Jane assured the guy with a smile. "Come on, I bet Bucky's still sleeping like a baby in his cot. Mr. Larsen swore on his mother's grave he'd kick Bucky out of class if the guy's late again. And with this pace-" paused Jane as she took a quick glance at the watch strapped around her wrist "- yeah, chances are that he will."

Steve rolled his eyes amusingly and followed the redhead downstairs to his mother's toasts. He couldn't say the difference, listening to her silent singing, he shook his head, _Jane's always right._

And yes, yes she was.

Despite all their effort of shoving breakfast down their throat (more like Bucky) and running like madmen, the trio still ended up late. They reached the door as soon as it had been closed behind the teacher's back, panting breathlessly. Students like Jane Carnahan and Steven Rogers who were usually on time and not so much of a potential troublemaker were forgiven; however, the other guy wasn't that lucky.

"James Barnes! My office, now!" Yelled Mr. Larsen the moment he laid eyes on the male's head poking in at the front door. "Rogers, Carnahan, take your seats. And mind the clock next time."

Mumbling apologies to the fuming teacher, the two ushered to their desks. Steve went first and Jane followed him right behind. Befor she claimed a chair of her own, the redhead noticed Steve mothing good luck to Bucky and the boy shot him back a funny grin with two thumbs up. _Boys._

"Janey? Your parents are out of town again, right?" Steve popped the question while she was in the middle of

"You got that right. Why?"

The fact was that:

Jane Carnahan's folks were _always_ out of town. Her dad - Greg Carnahan was a busy business man who worked in steel industry. Going on business trips here and there was an essential part of his job. Jane usually didn't get to see her dad for weeks, even months and only there were short stayings that lasted less than a week. But even that, the daugter still loved her father dearly, much more than her mother for sure.

For Lillian Carnahan, staying in a big house all day long with the only thing to do was babysitting her child, who obviously wasn't in need for that, was the most efficient way to kill the joy. Being a 35 years old, socialise woman, Lillian realised she couldn't lead such a boring life anymore. Grand evenings in the the bigger cities, parties and clubs were what she took interested in, not a daughter who took after her husband so much that became nothing more than a little miss president. Luckilly, as they has always said that the fun never dies, neuther did Jane mother's fun. Occasional meetings happened almost everyday in anywhere but Brooklyn. Turned out, while Jane spent her dad's miney on the means of life, her mother burned it on her means of entertainment.

"Mom wants you to join us for dinner. You're welcome with us, Jane. Anytime. Especially when they are away."

"They are _always_ away, Steve. And I should be the one to invite you guys. Sarah and you have done so much for me. Even Bucky sometimes does, too. I owe your family."

Steve reached out and slightly enfolded Jane's hand in his, squeezing it gently. The gesture was small but bore so much love and kindness. She could never be afraid of anything if it he would always be their to hold her hand like that. The blonde boy looked at the peer, saying determinedly, "You are family, Jane."

Far over there under the rusty streetlamp stood Max Kinkey and his ridiculousness of a gang with his big mouth chewing an apple arrogantly. _As if he owns Brooklyn_ , thought Jane.

"Well, well! Look who's here with his girlfriend? Hey Rogers! Tell Janey to feed you more! Aren't you a bit too scrawny?" Laughing rudely, the older boy shouted from across the small street.

Steve tensed up almost immediately, his bony shape braced up like a hard log of wood with anger swelling inside his blue eyes.

"Ignore them Steve." Muttered Jane as she quickly tugged the teen's sleeve, but not before shooting the bully's a murderous glare. Steve lifted up his feet to her words, sped up his pace home before something serious should happen.

But of course, those losers didn't want to miss the fun. Max Kinkey left his spot and swayed towards the two friends, his two minions trailing behind.

"What's the matter, Stevie? Running home to your momma?" He mocked.

Gritting her teeth, Jane snarled. "Sot off, Kinkey."

"Girls should go home and,... I don't know... sew handkerchieves? But I bet you don't know how. Your momma's probably moaning on some old dude's bed!" Laughing again, this time only louder and more indecent.

Jane quickened her breathing. Nobody insults her family!

The girl was to retort something smart to defend herself and the name of Carnahan when Steve launched forward angrily. "Yoy take that back, Kinkey. You take that bad and you say sorry to her!"

Max Kinkey snickered and his minions exeggarated the action like a bunch of maniacs.

"Or what? Are you going to hit me, Rogers?" Steve became fuming. He was a volcano ready to explode any time now. Yet, a better idea lit up like a spark of light in Jane's mind as she balled up her fist and swung it straight into Kinkey's face.

Her knuckles made contact with the older teen's ugly nose under the bewilderment of the witnesses. In one quick move, the small girl had left the town's bad boy a bloody nose and shattered his pride into a bundle of broken glass. Jane could swore when that very moment of victory came, she heard a small crack in her joints, whuch turned out to hurt a lot, but felt a hell lot right!

"Not him, I did." She declared proudlyas her mind was trying to ignore the throbbing fist. Jane had never hit anyone. Her dad had taught her that a pen is always mightier than a sword; her mother would never approve such an unladylike behaviour either.

Max Kinkey touch his nose and his eyed gawked intensively at the thick, red liquid stained his fingers. "You... you little... "So caught in his own surprise, the bully found it hard to finish the insult.

"Steve?" Hissed Jane secretly to the the boy on her side. Cat had got Kinkey's tongue and his veins was threatening to popm "How fast can you run?"

"Depends... I can run fast in a life or death situation... Like that time when that dog chased me."

"Trust me, this is it." Jane said with seriousness and then grabbed Steve's colour to start running.

Waited no longer, the blonde picked up his feet and followed the girl in full speed. Begind them, the two friends could hear Max Kinkey's frantic order: _"Get them! Get them!"_ fading away.


	2. Chapter 2

_January, 2014_

He could never forget the look on those children's faces, as they looked at their brothers and fathers cold bodies lying on the ground, unmoving. And the wives, the mothers, the sisters, the daughters, how their eyes had followed him in agony, asking him one unspoken question: _Why couldn't he save them?_. Steve Rogers sat quietly on a bed inside the infirmary, waiting.

He could have done it differently and then nobody would have to die. Only if he had tried harder,the casualties would have been different. Their mission had been accomplished, but was it worth all the sacrifices? Freedom has a very high price, he was willing to pay all the cost. But did all those broken families?

Being Captain America, he was the icon of American soldiers, who everybody had their faith in. However, the more of the innocents died on their missions, the more Steve realized that he was a man after all.

"Rough day?" Asked a familiar voice.

He looked up and saw a dreadful Romanoff landing herself on another bed in the room. The Captain swallowed solemnly, nodded in reply. The woman didn't give him any further response nor a sign to show that she wanted their conversation to be proceeded. The agent carefully laid her back on the mattress, minding the scratches and took a nap in less than a minute.

The atmosphere was quietly and still until the door opened again, revealing a young woman in nursery white.

"Hello Captain Rogers. Um... How are you doing?..." Asked the nurse and a small snicker came right after from the Black Widow's bed.

"I'm okay, mam." Steve answered politely. The girl's probably a rookie and she didn't need a scare on her first day at work. He noticed the nurse was blushing in embarrassment as she stumbled across the tray for the gauze. "Don't mind Nat. You're new here, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. I studied molecular biology and biochemist, but I've always wanted to be a nurse so here I am, nursing the superheroes of the world!" Chimed the blonde nurse excitingly.

Steve froze.

 _She_ was a student in molecular biology and biochemist once. _She_ was a nurse in the Army Nurse Corps once. Until he lost her.

Steve mumbled a quietly okay and let the nurse help him with the bloodstains and the small scratches. Whilst, his thoughts drifted back into the year of 1936, when _she_ had made the decision to change their lives forever.

 _August, 1938_

The sky was so grey that day, or it was just him. They all had heard the doctor: his mother would not live. Not with tuberculosis eating her inside out.

Steve wanted to cry, but seeing his mother like that, frail and weak on her bed, he couldn't let the tears go. Since he was a child, Steve had always been the sick one, but now, for once, that kid wanted to be strong for the sake of his dying mother.

"It's okay, Steven. We all know it'll come this day." Smiling weakly, Sarah told her grown son lovingly.

Steve looked at his mom and held back a tear. How had he not noticed how thin she had been since the last few months?

"It shouldn't have come so soon..."

 _December, 1938_

Sarah Rogers' funeral was a small one. It was a typical Catholic funeral: a dead person, a family member to give _the speech,_ some family friends, and an unbearable grief.

20 years old Steve Rogers stood formally in his brown suit, watching 7 people with their heads down, paying his mother their respect. The son stood alone and just simply watched the scene played for his eyes to see, silently wishing it was anything but reality. Jane was clasping her hand to her mouth, choking back the heartbreaking sobs while her father was holding her in his fatherly arms, soothing the pain. Bucky and Rebecca remained in silence while their parents were trading words with the priest whom they had helped him found. Jane mother stood outside that picture, alone. The woman shifted awkwardly in her spot and looking at the surroundings with strange eyes. Steve didn't mind, though. He might not know Maria Carnahan that much, but enough to not be surprised. At least she came.

"Hey, Steve, you okay?" A sudden pat on the shoulder jolted him from his train of thoughts. Steve tilted his head to face Bucky, he nodded dryly.

"It's the second funeral since dad's and nothing will ever be the same again." Muttered the slim young man.

"She's still around with us, Steve. In our memories and hearts." Bucky told him. If it hadn't for the occasion, he would have made a remark on how deep the brunet's words were. "My family will always welcome you, pal. Mom wants you to come and live with us since it's only you on your own now. We have a room ready for you at any time."

"Thanks man, but I think I can make it alright."

"We're being serious, mate. You don't have to deal with all of this alone. I know Jane would have said the same, too, if her mom weren't there to nag."

The two guy glanced at their female friend. The girl had stopped crying now but her nose was still red and her hazel eyes were horribly puffy. The sight reminded Steve the reason why Jane hated to cry ever since she was still a little girl, _Emotions are contagious. I'd rather stay happy and not letting the ones who love me worried._ She had said.

"Thanks, Bucky. I'll... I'll think about it." Hearing Steve's words seemed to assure a great deal of Bucky's concern, so he squeezed the blond's shoulder and strode away.

After being left alone, Steve looked up and caught eyes with Jane. The look in her eyes told him that she wanted to talk; Jane excused herself out of a conversation she was having with Mr. Carnahan and started approaching until she had reached him across the lawn.

"Bucky asked you to move in, didn't he?" She started talking casually.

"Yeah, he did. He told you?"

"Actually,... your mom did..." She answered, slightly tugging him towards an empty bench several feet away. "Sarah and we had discussed about you before she... passed away."

Steve nodded. The two quietly sat together and by the time meaning, he studied Jane secretly. His friend had grown, they both had; time flies and they just weren't that 5 years old boy and girl anymore. The age of 20 had hit them without realising it. Jane was simply beautiful in her black dress even when her pretty eyes were weary and her feet carried the weight of her body heavily as if there was the whole world on the girl's shoulders. Nonetheless, Steve found in Jane the presence of peace he didn't know he need all this time.

"You didn't just lose a mother, Steve." Sighed Jane, her voice suddenly became raspy at the sound of his name. "I lost a mother and Bucky lost a teacher, too." She paused, taking a deep breath. "The Barnes and my dad lost a friend. And for my mother... my mother lost a good neighbour. I'm not sure if she cares or not but she's remorse. That's good, right?" Smiled Jane in vain, her lips struggled to form a smile but it ended up being a distorted frown.

"Do you need a hug?"

"I think you need it more than I do, Steve."

Pushing her comment aside, he pulled the redhead to his chest and held her close anyway. Jane was small and heartbroken, so was Steve, and together, they was each other's company through the loss of a life.

"I've done some thinking." Jane spoke out of the blue, her warm breath sending tingles to his ears. "I'm 20, we're graduated and dad has been asking me what I want to do with my life. And for the first time of my life, Steve, I don't know. You go to art school, Bucky go to business, and me? Not a clue. Mother doesn't scare, to be honest. She thinks it's the best for me to get married to a wealthy man and never have to be worried about money."

"She can't be serious, can she? It's 1938, not 1838!" Exclaimed Steve as the idea bugged him greatly.

"Old-fashioned, I know. I'll be dead before she got me into it." Said Jane as she tried to add a sense of humour into it. "So many things have happened, Steve, and then the thought came to me one day: I want to go to med school. I remembered how upset you were on the sick bed and when I came back to the reality, I saw life leaving Sarah. I want to save lives, Steve. A nurse, a scientist, a doctor, anything to save people from dying while there are still so much left to lose. And I've never made any greater decision in the last 20 years."


	3. Chapter 3

Jane remembered very well how much of an early bird she was; however waking up from a time that felt like decades with a throbbing pain in every corner of her body certainly had proved it wrong.

 _Where am I?_ Was the first thing she wondered.

 _Why am I strapped into a bed?_ Was the second.

"Hello?" Jane called for help. She didn't know why but listening to her own voice felt awkwardly strange. The young female looked around the room and found machines, so many of them and so innovated that she started to become aware of the situation. And as many individuals who happen to wake up in a room like that, it didn't surprise her at all to see her body tangled in a bunch of wires. "Dr. Calvert? Anybody?" Jane began to worry. She did not know why she was here nor how she even got here. Every of the equipment stood there cold and still, surrounding her like a fortress, making her feel like she was unwillingly undergoing somewhat of an experiment of human, one like what the Nazis were doing with the poor Jews.

The thought itself was terrified enough as Jane listened to the pounding sound in her chest quickened. The Nazis believed it to be confidential but little did they know, every member of the US military knew all about such inhumane crime, especially the medical service. The story had become a reminder of their belief and their place in the War. And that the victory of the Allies would put an end to such disgrace of science and morality.

Jane tried to calm herself down, keep telling her brain that they had an army here in London willing to fight everyday for it to stand as long as possible.

 _I'm in London, not Germany._ That came out not at all convincing. She wasn't even certain where this place was!

Jane hated uncertainty, she disliked not knowing; one moment she was the best nurse of the Army Nurse Corps in England with a PhD in Biochemist and Molecular Biology only after 3 years of education and now, she was imprisoned in God knows where.

In all of sudden, there came a sound that triggered all the adrenaline Jane managed to produce in 20 seconds before the door was unlocked. Entered the room was a strange man and someone who dressed in white blouse,which Jane believed in a high chance that he could be a doctor.

"Where am I?" Choked on the nervousness, she trembled. "Who are you?" Her tone became pleading but none of the men would talk. The doctor stood awkwardly as he eyed her with bitterness.

The other man's eyes darted from the doctor to her, obviously, it was a hidden command as the stressed man in white blouse started walking towards her. His hands reached for her face and a small flashlight inside his pocket.

" _Don't touch me_!" Jane spat harshly, her head tilted to the sides stubbornly since she was tied down. The girl snared angrily when the man's ruthless finger tried to squeeze her cheeks, but failed. Tired of the red head's unwillingness to cooperate, the doctor directed his attention to the machines that were connected to her body and began scribbling on the patient's board.

At the far end of the bed, lurking in the shadowy part of the room, the strange man was watching Jane Carnahan with amusement. The female swallowed hard as the ambiguous look in his eyes sent chills to her spine.

"What do you want from me?"

She asked. But once again, her question fell into the void and silence was the only thing to respond. It's like talking to a freaking wall.

"Sir, she's in good condition." Informed the doctor. Jane darted her eyes between the two men, completely lost ' _For what_?', his boss nodded approvingly.

"Put her at ease. We'll be _very_ busy tomorrow."

The doctor gave her a reluctant expression which she had an awfully bad feeling about, but before her brain could warn her muscles about the incoming danger, a sharp pain from a needle dove straight into Jane's neck, stealing the last bit of consciousness away the girl.

_  
 _August, 1939_

7 A.M in one special Sunday morning, a 21 years old girl was stomping in frustration across the busy neighborhood of Brooklyn. Her dark red curls bouncing up and down as her boots hit the pavement with force. Anybody with sense could see there was a heavy cloud shadowing the young lady's mood despite the delightful weather.

Jane Carnahan did not expect her mood to swing from one side of the universe to the other in such a beautiful day either. The girl wished she had known better when her mother came into her room for a chat.

"What an ignorant woman." Guiltlessly, she muttered under her breath. "Can't I live without a man?!"

So lost in one's one resentment, Jane did not realize she had soon reached the Barnes' and was practically, raping the doorbell.

Abruptly, the door was swung open with an annoyed Bucky Barnes blocking the entrance. The guy looked at his friend in a pure mixture of concern and irritation. "What the hell, Jane?!" He groaned out loud.

"My deepest apology, Bucky but I swear, without the doorbell of yours, I'll be eating my own dress."

Confession Jane sheepishly as she slipped her way inside, leaving her friend standing in daze, looking at the thin air, uttering "Come in" to the girl who was no longer there.

"Morning Mr. Barnes, Mrs. Barnes!" Greeted Jane as she spotted the spouses in their living room reading the New York Times. She swiftly jogged into the kitchen with a still dumbfounded Bucky hot on her tail.

"Morning Steve." And with that, she threw herself onto the nearest chair and slammed her unprotected forehead on the table. Hard.

"Well-" Without looking up, Jane felt a hand softly rubbing her back and immediately knew it was her dearest friend - Steve.

"That looks painful." But of course, she should not forget from whom that sarcastic comment was from.

"Oh please, spare me Barnes. Still not half as hurt as my ears right now."

"What's wrong?" Steve asked nicely, his hands now were both on her back as he began to patted it gently. Jane heard some chewing and figured out that Bucky was probably munching an apple somewhere by the counter, waiting to hear what could have sabotaged 'little miss Carnahan's day.

"Maria Carnahan nee Wilson." Jane answered. She looked up finally to see Bucky with a _that-explains-it-all_ printed all over his face.

"Another date?" Steve kicked his eyebrows knowingly while the girl pouted.

"If only it's that simple. I just don't understand! Why can't my mother get it into her head that I'm not interested? I still have school, I want a career, a right partner for God's sake!"

Exclaimed Jane under the empathic stares of the two young man, and soon, of Mr and Mrs. Barnes.

"Poor Jane." Mrs. Barnes said gently and the rest nodded in unison.

"I wonder what Mr. Carnahan saw in his wife."

"James Buchanna Barnes! You watch that mouth of yours!" Mrs. Barnes scolded at her son and Bucky lept smoothly away from his mother's rage.

Jane stiffed a laugh at the scene, forgetting how slightly offensive the comment was. Realized she hadn't got to read the daily news, Jane asked George if she could borrow his newspaper as the old folk happily hand it out for her.

Jane skimmed through the freshly printed pages and only slowed down in some interesting articles; she skipped the ones about Broadway's celebrities as usual, knowing that they were mostly gossips about somebody's affair.

Meanwhile, the rest was finishing breakfast, Jane knew so as one half of her brain was being used for analyzing the information from the papers while another was listening to the sound of Bucky talking with food in his mouth and his mother was complaining about it.

After awhile when the redhead was to decide that she had collected what was worth to read, a small title caught her eyes.

 _ **WORLD WAR II: a real act or a play?**_

Jane read through it quickly and wondered why wasn't this on the front page but instead, tossed in a place where anyone could miss? She gave a thought about it, only to figure out the reason why and of course, it was none other than the fact that the war was far on the other side of the Atlantic.

America had nothing to do with their business and America would choose not to be.

"Steve, have you read this?" Jane passed the papers as Steve dropped his half eaten breakfast to the plate. The blond guy scanned his bright blue eyes and started reading.

He later out the papers down and shared with Jane the seriousness of his concern. "This man can't be serious, can he? Building a supreme empire, is he mad?"

Steve's eyebrows crunched together, forming a line. World War I had ended, leaving millions of broken dreams and lifeless bodies. War is destructive, and her could never understand human's greed.

"A sane man will not declare such a thing, Steven." A matured manly voice spoke up for Steve's thoughts. All eyes poured to the entrance where Greg Carnahan was smiling warmly. "Adolf Hitler has the gut to say so, he is serious."

"Dad?" Jane stood up to give her father a loving hug. "What are you doing here? Don't you have a train to catch?"

Greg brushed his daughter's hair dearly before the parted from the hug. "I heard you and your mother fought earlier and I knew you's be upset. So I decided that you and I should have some family bonding time today."

Jane's face lit up in delight, and just like a little girl on Christmas, she started to bounce up and down in untamable excitement. "Really? Just us alone? No mother?"

"Janey, darling..."

The girl rolled her eyes, defeated by the odd gleam of tiredness and worry in the same eyes she bore. "I know, I know, she's my mother after all. But back to the point, what about the conference?"

"I'll make it in time one way or another."

Jane beamed merrily at her dad. It had been ages since the father and his daughter got to spend time together. Like dancing, she swiftly made her way across the hall to grab her hat and bade everyone goodbyes.

"Thank you for the newspaper, Mr. Barnes, and the same goes for your breakfast, Mrs. Barnes. See you later boys."

"It's a shame that I cannot stay any longer, George, Winifrey." Greg came forward to give his old friend a pat on the shoulder. "Someone might need to lock the door later, it wasn't locked when I came in."

"James, how many time have I told you-"

"-Not to leave the door unlocked. Sorry dad, won't happen again. Besides, we have Jane, she'll kick the burglars in where the sun don't shine." Bucky joked.

Greg's eyes widened as he glanced at Jane suspiciously. "I hope you didn't experience it for real, young James."

Jane immediately looked away bashfully, she could see Steve holding back a laughter at the table.

"Steve?" The young man perked up at the call of his name.

"Yes, sir?"

"As always, please take care of Jane for me, will you?"

"Dad!" Jane groaned at the two. "I'm 21, I'm not a kid anymore. And Steve, don't take that seriously, alright?"

However, the young man didn't seem to have noticed her words. Steve looked straight into Mr. Carnahan's eyes bravely as he said.

"That would be a privilege, sir."

Her dad smiled as his eyes softened when he looked at the thin boy whom life had always been a part of his daughter also. "For the last 16 years, Steve. It's Greg."

The next two minutes, there was an eye-to-eye, manhood's conversation going on between the two most important men in Jane's life and she couldn't quite catch.

Greg nodded finally. "You are a good man, son. Your parents would be so proud to see how much of a man you've grown to be."


	4. Chapter 4

Lazily dragging the weight of his body to the front door, Steve inserted the key and gave it a twist before he threw his shield onto the couch five feet away.

Captain America could run fast. Captain America could kick the bad guys in their butts. Captain America could fight like a machine. But Captain America was a man, above all, a man who was too tired with is unusual work time. Everything would be nicer if their enemies send the Avengers a fax a day early.

Steve rubbed his forehead in frustration. His physical condition had always been a 100%; however, his mind felt like a hundred years-old's, Steve felt old, even older than his actual age.

"Wow! You look... _different_." Somebody's voice startled him as he was to close the door.

Steve's eyes snapped open, he spun around, all tensed up for the danger but then slightly relaxed to see who it was. He was rather surprised, to be honest, seeing the nurse whom he had met in the Avengers' Tower.

"It's you! Miss... uh..."

"Jennifer. It's Jennifer." The blonde nurse filled in the blank. The woman grinned at Steve brightly, the smile somehow gave him a relatively good feeling of the girl, who seemed to be very friendly and optimistic.

"Yeah, right, Jennifer, got it." Steve nodded. "So, you're my neighbor now?"

Kate looked over her shoulder, pointing at the flat a couple of feet away from his. She smiled proudly, looking at her own property. "Yup, home sweet home. Can you believe it? _I_ am the Captain's new neighbor!... It must be hard on you... work, I mean." She looked at him with sympathy and for one split moment, he thought he saw a pair of hazel eyes looking back at him, digging up all of his deepest fears and secrets.

"Sometimes, yes. But you just gotta do-"

"-what you gotta do. I understand." Once again, as if his mind was an open book, Jennifer filled her words in the blank naturally. The way the blonde said it and the eyes she gave him, it felt like a deja-vu, as if it was decades ago, when _she_ had told him the exact same words.

"Jane..." Steve whispered her name absently, his mind went back the Carnahan girl and all those time before everything that shouldn't had happened, happened.

It had been exactly 70 years since her death and 4 years of him mourning everyday. The pain of Jane Carnahan's name being mentioned never seemed to had lessen, let alone gone.

"I'm sorry, what did you just call me?" Jennifer perked up at the unfamiliar name, obviously interested as Steve quickly recollected himself.

"Nothing. It's just that you sounds like somebody I used to know."

"You used to... oh, you mean _before_ the whole icing thing?" Steve nodded curtly. "Was this person a she?"

"Yeah, she... was." He hated to use past tense on Jane. It reminded him how she was already dead and her grave was plunged up for a random new building in the city.

"Love interest? Hmm... I thought you and agent Carter had a thing?" The mention of Peggy was another punch to the Captain's throbbing pain. He had lost Jane to the war and let Peggy lose him to the same matter. "Oh gosh, my bad. It's private, I shouldn't have asked!"

Steve didn't realize how dark his face had been until Jennifer snapped him out with her panicking tone. "It's complicated." He told her.

"You know what Steve? You need a good rest and I will try not to bug you with my endlessly rambling." The nurse gave her words in deep seriousness. She slipped into her apartment and waved Steve a goodbye whilst. "Goodnight, neighbor."

The man stared at the now closed door and inhaled sharply. Today, a random girl had asked him one question Steve Rogers had never had enough courage to ask himself: Did he love Jane Carnahan?"

He knew exactly where Peggy was in his heart. Peggy Carter was no damsel in distress, she could rescue herself and did it better than any men could. Steve had always admire the woman for that. Peggy trusted him when no one else would, she believed that he could do greater things than just a lab rat nor did he belong to the stage. And even in the darkest time of his life, when he received that letter from Greg that told him how the father had answered the door one day, only to be handed a box of Jane's belongings and an entire speech of how America own its future to people like Jane. People who died.

Peggy was perfect but he had known for a long time that she wasn't the right one for him. Steve was okay about letting Peggy go as he found the memories of her still appeared here and there, in where he saw Bucky, his parents, the Barnes and Jane's dad smiling at him as vividly as ever. However, as hard as Steve tried, Jane would never be there. His mind told him she was dead but his heart just couldn't accept the reality. The same thing he had done for Peggy, he couldn't do it to Jane. The right partner had always been there, it was Steve's deepest regret that he didn't realized it sooner. He didn't have enough courage to lose her again, even when the girl was already dead because to Steve Rogers, she was the only thing that reminded him not to lose himself.

Jane Carnahan couldn't handle a gun like Peggy, she didn't know how to beat the crap out of a man since the worst she had ever done was to break Max Kinkey's nose and kicked Bucky in his private loved to talk but she wasn't annoyingly loud nor talkative. She knew where her limit was, what to say and she would spend her whole day listening to someone's heart without complaining. Her biggest obsession was reading and she had spent 3/4 of her life doing so. There were even times when Jane was too caught up in her novel that she would have walked right into a lamp post if Steve hadn't been there to push her out in time. Jane and the kitchen would make a disaster, saying that she couldn't cook would be speaking too highly of the fact.

Steve found it funny how both Jane and Peggy were very distinguish in their own ways. Peggy defied the stereotype of the 1940s female by serving in the military as an agent while Jane was nothing similar to what her mother had been trying to mold her into. Peggy saved people by using amour as Jane chose the path of medication. Both of them were different, yet, the same in to many aspects that Steve didn't actually realize it until now. But no matter what should happen, with Jane, Steve knew there had always been something inside him that would make a flip whenever she smiled and broke Captain America when they buried her cold, empty coffin. That feeling, it had existed for God knows how long, but sadly, only until he had lost her forever did he get to name it _love_.

Peggy knew about it, too, she was the one who watch him cried for the death of the girl who had died at the age of 26 in London bombing. She saw how he tried to move on with his life after that, and failed, no matter if it was 70 years ago or 70 years later. Steve recalled that look Peggy gave him when he visited her in the nursing home.

 _"I have lived a life. My only regret is that you didn't get to live yours."_

They both understood it wasn't just the frozen incident she meant. Steve sighed restlessly, every inch of his lungs seized and ached to the bones. Being Captain America, this was the kind of person he was, he would wake up every day to do what he was chosen and trained for. But as a regular man, Steve had decided to live in the memories of Jane Carnahan, because he loved her, too much to be true, even though it was too late to regret anything.


	5. Chapter 5

_1942_

"You can't go, Jane."

Was all what he had been pleading her since the letter arrived. She didn't dare to look at her friend of 19 years as she was afraid that as soon as she saw the desperation in his beautiful blue eyes, every of the bravery she had tried so hard to gather would melt into a void.

The redhead bit her lower lip and carried on packing the luggage in silence. Jane didn't want to answer him for the doubtless knowing that a painful choke would come out when her lips part.

"Jane, please. Think for your mother at home when you're gone, think for me. It's too dangerous." Steve entered her room with his footsteps were as heavy as ever. In his hand, there was a piece of paper with her name on it, held firmly between his slim fingers.

Jane picked up her pace, she started shoving her clothes inside the suitcase more recklessly without even folding them properly. The wardrobe soon became empty as the clothing, one by one, was plunged off the hook.

"Damn it, Jane!" The anger built up inside Steve erupted in the call of her name. The girl shut her eyes tightly, her small back facing him tensed up as she held her breath, wishing if only she could just suffocate herself right then and there.

Steve walked up to Jane, the sound of his shoes clapping the wooden floor was burdened; and as he reached her, in the distance close enough that could easily give her second thoughts just by the touch of his hand, Steve slowly took away the blouse she didn't realize she was clenching so hard for her dear life. He did not utter a word, only stared at her and right through her heart.

Jane suddenly felt small. She was scared. The thought of leaving and never coming back scared her to death. Her mind was clear enough to see that by accepting the offer, she would be a part of the war. And in war, there is no guarantee if you'll be alive or not.

"I'll write, Steve." With so much tenderness, she spoke to him, it took Jane every strength to make the words audible. "I'll write everyday and you can read my letters everyday to know that I'm alive."

"You've got to be kidding! They're sending you straight to the front!"

"It's not just me, Steve. This isn't about me." Jane sighed. How could she not know about the danger? She had seen this coming the day the war broke out, America was now involved and the army needed all the help they could get. "They need me, Steve. I'm one of the best."

"But you have a choice! The government has a place for you in the lab. Where it's safe to work." Steve insisted.

Jane turned to face him. Her hazel eyes met his blue ones with such tension and determination. "There are priorities, Steve. And don't you dare say anything about me being a woman. You've tried for the army in 4 different cities, therefore, so can I!"

The guy became silent at the solid reason and Jane knew she was winning the fight she did not wish to win. Tomorrow she would be on a train heading straight to D.C and from there, it would be up to the hand of God. Jane didn't even tell her dad about it, neither did she tell her mother. Only Steve knew and look at where had it led them to.

"I take it that you haven't told you dad nor your mother." She nodded dryly. "He would have a heart attack when he found out, Jane."

"He'll be alright. He always will." Jane muttered bitterly. The girl gazed out of the window as she watched the same old Brooklyn and felt her heart sank deep down under to the sight of the starless sky. Despite knowing how much she would have to leave behind, Jane could not back away, not anymore. They had given her a week to answer, and she wrote back.

"Can you just-"

"No, Steve." The redhead cut him off. "I can't." Her voice became lower, her respiration was shallower as she felt his thumb brushing her cheek.

"Don't cry." In her own numbness, Jane heard Steve told her not to cry. Was she crying? Jane wasn't sure since she was so in pain. Her heart was aching to the bones.

"Don't come to see me off if you don't want to." In Steve's arms as he was wrapping her in his fragile shape, Jane could tell her was shaking his head slightly to her request. And by the way he hugged her, Jane could also tell that the guy was trying not to weep. She didn't like this at all. She hated to see Steve pushing himself to hard, especially when it comes to his emotions. She wanted him to cry and laugh when he wanted to, they were human after all, vulnerability is what makes them human.

At the end of the day, Jane insisted Steve to go home and reluctantly, he did. Brooklyn was so quiet that day, or at least that was what Jane thought as she was watching Steve leaving the house.

"Wait!" An idea popped into her head and without bother to think it twice, Jane ran after Steve. She hugged him and held his shirt tightly as if it was for her life. The girl had promised herself not to cry in that moment, not again. "Just in case you didn't come." Jane said, then parted away. She looked at Steve carefully and printed his image into her brain for the fear that she might never get a chance to.

And in all of sudden, he leaned in. Jane's heart started to dance in a strange routine she had never experienced before when Steve planted his lips on her cheek. "Take care of yourself, Jane. I _will_ come. I promise." Sadly, he backed away soon after that. "Goodnight, Jane."

"Goodnight, Steve."

Jane wished watching him walking away from her house could feel the way it always did. She recalled all the time Steve had walked her home and from this spot, either him or her would see each other off. But none of those times did she feel this terrified.

"I love you." Jane's rosy lips opened and that 3 words came out. The 3 words that the young girl knew Steve Rogers couldn't hear.

 _2014_

"Look who's finally awake! I hope you've had enough sleep, Miss Jane Carnahan, cause we have some business that needs to be done."

Jane growled angrily in her throat. **An electric chair**! They had drugged her to sleep, dragged her here like a potato bag and tied her up to an electric chair!

"Oh don't worry. We won't used that." The man shrugged nonchalantly. "But of course, if you're not cooperate, the chair will be useful."

That man was crazy, but no doubt that he was also dangerous. Hitler was crazy and dangerous himself and look what he'd caused. Jane wiggled her arms and legs in distress and anger. "I loath you! Dr. Calvert and the others will find me missing and you'll have to face a court for this action of abusive capture!" She snarled, silently hoping what she had said would be true, or else she'd be doomed for good.

The man looked at Jane with pity while the others who was guarding from the inside of the room watched her in amusement as if her seriousness was the funniest thing ever.

"Poor Jane." The man cooed her name as he waltzed around the chair. He circled her like a predator having fun with its prey before the feast. Jane thought about all the lives she could not save on the battlefield and wondered if they had felt the same way she did right now, just before the death came for their souls. "I wish they would, I honestly do." He finally stopped in front of her and squatted before her knees, his fingers began to trace her left thigh as in his dark eyes glimmered something foul and malice.

Jane shivered by the touch. Disgust and fear was invading her sense as every second passed but soon she realized it was something greater, more dangerous thing he wanted from her. The man pierced through her with his look and revealed the lamest, most illogical and impossible thing she had ever heard.

"You're dead, Jane. On June 12th, 1944, which is exactly 70 years ago, Jane Carnahan, a brave, dedicated nurse/scientist of the ANC (Army Nurse Corps) lost her life in the attack of London Blitz."

The next thing, and it was the only thing Jane could do after hearing from a total stranger who was a possible terrorist, kidnapped and then tied her to an electric chair that she was already dead 7 decades ago was to laugh at his face. She didn't mean to, but it was too funny to help.

"Yeah right, like I would fall for that! How old do you think I am? I'm not a 5 years-old and I'm definitely NOT 96. The last time I checked, I'm a normally developed 26 years-old!" Jane scoffed at the sick joke. She was trained professionally as a nurse and before that, she was the youngest scientist to have a PhD at the age of 23! Jane Carnahan was far from naive.

"You were right, you wouldn't. Just what I've heard of you. A smart, brave girl." The man snapped his finger and two seconds later, the door opened with two man strolling in a strange, highly advanced technology. It looked almost like a big, black, flat box with a piece of glass in the middle. "I prepared this." He said, pointing at the object. "For you, our special guest."

It happened relatively quick, one second Jane was looking at the black box with doubt and caution, later, she was looking at Steve Rogers in his famous Captain America suit, moving and talking.

"Steve...?" Breathed out Jane. "Is this the... television?" She wondered. Sure thing they looked a lot different from how she remembered it.

The man walked up to her and nodded. "Good eyes. It is." He rested his hand on her shoulder but Jane was way too confused to protest.

"But how-? And where is he?" Overwhelmed by the 'television', Jane started to doubt the life as she knew it. And then there was Steve with an enormous building behind him and a D.C she didn't recognize until she saw the Capitol Hill. That was when Jane noticed everybody's clothes and the trend was not from the 40s for sure.

"That's the world today. As what I told you Jane. You've been asleep for an awfully long time. It's 2015, my dear, the amazing 21st century it is."

"No..."

"Yes! Yes, that's the truth, dear Jane. Such a shame that most of us don't get to live until today. Like my old time friend, Howard Stark, he'd been talking nonestop about the future. Too bad HYDRA got him."

The man whisperes into her ears, the narrow space between them made Jane want to gag. Images followed images, information followed information. 70 years of a person's life had walked pass Jane as if she was invisible and now, it was dancing around on a huge screen for her eyes to see only.

"Take your time, it's all there." And with that, he retreated to another room, leaving Jane Carnahan alone as she was watching how 7 decades had passed. All started from June 12th, 1944, the day she ' _died_ '.


	6. Chapter 6

_June 12th, 2014_

Steve pushed the door open with a bouquet of daisy in his hand, the old lady lying on the bed smiled at him softly.

"Hello, Peggy. I brought you flower." The lady mouthed thank you as he pulled the stool closer to her bed and sat down quietly. "How are you feeling?"

"Just like the first time I saw you all that big and tall."

Steve chuckled at the answer. He remembered quite well the horrible pain during the transformation. Up until now, it still felt like a dream, he could hardly tell how small he had been nor how light he was now. But no matter how wild the story of a frail young man becoming Captain America after a serum was injected to his body, it wasn't as wild as the fact that he was actually 98 this year.

"You have lived a great life Peggy." He told her.

"Have you lived yours, Steve?" He looked at her with a sea of emotion and Peggy understood right away that she had had the answer for that long ago. "She was one lucky girl."

Peggy recalled that evening at the bar, a celebration was going on. She remembered how joyful everybody was, knowing that they were one step ahead towards victory. But what made that day the day most memorable was when Peggy Carter saw a redhead arguing with one of the guards.

 _"Please, I need to see him."_

 _"Sorry miss. The bar is for the military today. Private."_

 _"Yes, I do understand. But I know him. His name's Steve Rogers, he's from Brooklyn!"_

 _"Miss, I must ask you to step back."_

 _"But it's urgent! I don't have much time left!"_

 _ **"She's with me."**_

Peggy had no idea what made her stepped in and helped the girl. Perhaps it was the look in her eyes or maybe it was the power radiated from that girl. The two, Steve and Jane had talked for awhile, the agent had no idea what were they talking about but that was the last time they ever saw her again. Time is such a scary thing. Peggy asked herself how would it have turned out if she wasn't there to sneak Jane in. Closing her eyes, she found herself 22 again, and was looking at a pretty girl with hazel eyes, smiling.

 _"You are one lucky girl, Jane."_

In the agent's imagination, suddenly appeared another blond man. Steve Rogers stood alone several feet away in his soldier uniform. The two females glanced at him and then at each other. Jane Carnahan's rosy lips formed a smile but did not say anything. Peggy knew that smile well, as it was the same one she saw when Jane spotted Steve all the way across the small bar.

 _"He has many regrets. The biggest one of them all is you."_ said Peggy.

Jane's expression changed dramatically into something the brunette could not quite catch. Anger? Fear? Sadness? Peggy opened her eyes again to see Steve watching her worriedly. She shook the concern off his face with a smile.

"Thinking too much just isn't right for me anymore."

"You are doing great, Peggy." Steve assured her, his words were soothing as always and that was when he was just... Steve. Peggy felt envy with Jane in all of sudden, the girl had had 21 years with the best man alive.

"It's today, isn't it?" Peggy asked out of the blue as Steve replied with a soft 'yes'. "I'm sorry, there's not much left of her I could save after the war. London was... you know..." The former agent said in remorse. After she found SHIELD, Peggy had tried everything she could for Steve's sake and one of those things was to recollect Jane Carnahan's belongings.

"It was more than enough." He told her.

"She wrote you many letters, didn't she?" Peggy remembered opening a box and was puzzled by stocks and stocks of envelopes addressed to _Steve Roger_ only. The ones that at the bottom were older as they were dated back in the 1942 until 1944.

"978 letters for 978 days since she left to join the war." _And none of them was sent._ Peggy thought sadly.

"Did you read them?"

Steve smiled, his eyes were on her but at the same time, they were very far away. Steve was living in the scent of 1940s' paper and the blue ink Jane had used for her beautifully written words.

"Everyday. She promised me to write one each day, just to let me know that she was fine. Although it's a different reality now, it's still better than any serum they could offer me. It makes me feel like... she's still here." He sighed and shook his head in irony. "978 letters for 978 days. And I didn't get to read one until 70 years after her death."

"I guess she just thought it was for the best. She did write, didn't she? She just didn't have the gut to send them, thinking how hard would it be for you if one day the letters suddenly stopped coming."

Peggy reached out to touch Steve's hand. She enjoyed having him as company and she believed that the soldier needed a company more than anyone, including herself. Someone who knows what it was about 70 years ago, who understands the pain, the loss the War had caused them was what Steve needs. Not just through the stories or the movies nowadays, but someone who had felt it in their bones.

Steve flinched at the touch. It had been such a long time since somebody held his hand with such a great comfort like this. To be honest, it had always been his job on contrast, saving lives, giving hope.

"I wish you and her could know each other more. You two would be such great friends." Caressing Peggy's frail hand as he said.

"We soon will, Captain." Replied the old lady, her eyes twinkled a playful gleam.

"Don't plan on leaving me here too soon, will ya?"

Steve told Peggy. A memory came back to the pair of friends. He didn't need her to promise, and when he looked at his old friend lying on the bed with the same blue eyes which had many times looked at the death, the man understood that the matter of life and death is beyond any saying.

Peggy knew she didn't have to promise Steve. She had lost enough, seen too many. She was 93, Peggy was very much aware of her soon-to-come death. She hadn't much time left and the former agent considered herself lucky as she was going to leave after having lived a life fully.

"You can't give me orders." She stated stubbornly, lived again with her young self.

Steve grinned as he knew exactly what to say, it felt like they were fighting a war again; however, what they were facing when it comes to time is not one they could win, not this time, not ever.

"The hell I can't. I'm a Captain."

 _June 18th, 1944_

8 P.M, everyone was on guard. Steve Rogers sat alone inside his cabin at the base and counted.

"978 days."

The 26 years-old man breathed out the number heavily. Searching for something under the pillow, he pulled out a sketchbook. Carefully, he opened it, turned the paged over until he reached a specific one. On the paper, Jane Carnahan was smiling sweetly. Although it was only a pencil sketch, no one would know about the hazel shade in her eyes or how her dark red hair was almost brown indoor and immediately turned fury red under the sun, the artwork was precise in every detail. The sketch, it was the closest thing to a photo of the girl Steve had.

Tracing his fingers softly on the material, it ran along her jawline and then to her beaming lips. They were now only a strait apart. The idea of Jane being somewhere out there in England, where the war was the ruthless, most dangerous was life a knife slicing her heart in half. He listened to the radio oftentimes, and every time news about the London Blitz were broadcasted, it killed him time after time.

Steve wondered would Jane had stayed if he had asked her to the last time when she left for London. Two years ago was pretty much the same with how it went last year. Jane had left briefly. One day she told him she was leaving and the next day, she was already gone.

 _The bar was crowded. Man after man. Soldier after soldier had come to offer him a handshake, a photo, even autographs. The ladies was looking at him in awe, obviously excited about the fact that they were in the same room with the famous Captain._

 _Steve was happy, too. Every soul fighting the war was always hopeful. They simply must, or else they would lose the war of the will before the one with amours should. Wars are not win my amour but by man after all._

 _He remembered walking around to the nice music playing on the background and a drink on his hand. He also remembered almost choke on the beer when he saw her standing across the bar, grinning with tears flickered in her eyes._

 _"Jane?"_

 _Could not believe in his own eyes, the young man tore up the crowd as he tried so hard not to blink, afraid that it was just another illusion. The distance between them narrowed down by his accelerated speed. He held his breath and halted, two feet away._

 _Jane beamed. "You are taller." She said after a while._

 _She was thin and there were smoke in her eyes. The girl looked at him, Steve knew that look. It was of the one who had seen too many death, too many sorrow in a lifetime. He wanted to ask her how had she managed to get through all that, how many souls had she prayed for. But then, he decided not to. What matter was that she was here and safe._

 _"You're here." He said in bewilderment, finally accepted the reality where he could actually touch her just by a reach of a hand. Waited no longer, Steve approached and swept Jane into his open arms in one swift movement._

 _One year ago, that would have been impossible, but now as Steve was no longer a sick kid whom everybody would pick on, he enjoyed the feeling of being able to lift Jane up so easily. Steve felt the girl's arm around his neck and the warmth of her body pressing against his own. He slowed down the orbit eventually, then carefully landed her on her own feet. she reached out for his face, shaking with emotion as she started tracing her thumb on his cheek._

 _"You're home." Steve said to himself quietly with joy. Yet, the look on Jane's face made him anxious. It was an entire see of sadness in her stare. She looked calm, but the steel and iron in her eyes were not familiar as they were both forged by the battle itself in her time living with bombs and bullets._

 _"You're home now, Jane." This time, it was in fact, a plead, knowing the young nurse too well, it was not difficult for Steve to tell what was that on her mind. He reached out for her hand, grasping it tightly._

 _"It's London this time, Steve. The ANC works in wherever the army needs us."_

 _"I still can't say anything to change your mind, can I?" He asked._

 _Jane squeezed his hand slightly and then smiled as if it wasn't a goodbye this time, even when it did feel like one. "When this is all over, I'll be home, you'll be home, too. You're the Captain, Steve, American needs you, we need you. And for me, my team needs me, so does London. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. So promise me that you'll be there when I'm back, okay?"_

 _"Then you have to promise that you'll be home."_

 _"I **will** be home, Steve. That I promise you." __She whispered her words, bravely and all that promising as he took her hand, asking for one more sweet memory before another battle._

 _"Dance with me, please?"_

 _Jane gave a small nod. In the dim light of the room and to the soft music playing live on stage, she accepted Steve's hand and they started to wave along. She had never really danced before and so did he. It was quite awkward as it started out but eventually, the two simply held onto each other as both would gaze into each other's eyes._

 _"I never knew you could dance, Rogers." Jane leaned in, a small grin crept up on her face._

 _Steve only shook his head in irony, he replied her. "I don't. But I'll learn how to do it probably. When you're back, I'll show you."_

 _"Promise?"_

 _"Promise."_

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Steve? You're in there?"

"Yeah, come in." Steve answered the call as he quickly put away the sketchbook right before the door was pushed open by Peggy.

The agent stood by the door, hesitated to come in as she saw him sitting in an odd silence on his bed. "Were you sleeping?" She asked.

"Oh, no. I wasn't. Just thinking, that's all. Any news about the next attack?" Steve stood up quickly and gestured Peggy to come in. He strode across the room to the chair where he had placed his shield on and offered the brunette a seat.

"There isn't at the moment." She said, closing the door behind her carefully. "It's just that there's something I found in the letters earlier.

Steve stared at Peggy, completely excited as hope began to swell inside him. "For me?"

Peggy nodded simply, but there was something in the way she was looking at him that made all the differences.

"I can tell you, it's no good news, Steve. From someone named Carnahan." Peggy sighed, she fished an envelope from her vest pocket.

"Jane Carnahan?" Steve leaned forward as Peggy handed out the envelope. Whatever was written in that letter was challenging is patience.

"I'm afraid not. It says Greg Carnahan."

The name brought the soldier to his knees. Jane's dad had no business to write unless something terrible had happened. And that was what Steve had asked him to. He could feel his legs buckled when his hands tore open the envelope.

Steve started to read and as he had finished reading the letter once, he reread it again, then again, somehow wishing the words could change into something else but this.

 _Dear Steve,_

 _I'm not sure if you have heard about the news or not, still I think it is the best to write this letter. Jane is dead, my boy. My only daughter's life is now lost forever to this dreadful war and for what? Her belief? Her dream? The Axis' pathetic desire? Since the day you told me my beloved daughter had already join the Army Nurse Corps, I had thought I would be ready for this day. But only until now did I realize how wrong I was. I didn't even know it when she left, I didn't even get to tell her goodbye or how much I love her. Jane is not going home, son. And neither will her body. A bomb has taken away our daughter and you friend's away, and it was greedy enough to take all._

 _We are arranging Jane's funeral in a week back home. It will be a small one with will be fill with love, she would like it that way. Maria and I both understand if you won't be able to make it. Though Jane would be glad to have you there to see her off for the last time; however, knowing my daughter, she would not want you to abandon your duty in this war which she has risked her life for._

 _You are a good man, Steve. This war isn't going to win by bombs and bullets, Hitler is wrong. This war is won by man like you, not good soldier, but a good man. Bring this war to its end, son, be a part of what shall make it happen, for Jane._

 _With luck and regards_

 _Greg Carnahan_

9 P.M, Steve Rogers cried for the first time since so long. When his father died, Jane Carnahan was there. When his mother died, Jane Carnahan was there. Today, Jane Carnahan was dead and nothing would ever be the way it was.


	7. Chapter 7

Greg Carnahan was dead.

Maria Carnahan was dead.

The Barnes were dead. Except for Bucky. He was now in God knows where with a metal arm.

Emily, Amy, Diane,... were probably all dead.

Steve Rogers was alive, 28 years ago and Captain America.

Jane Carnahan had been dead. Now alive, 26 years old and was known as an ANC nurse who had sacrificed herself in 1944.

"The bomb went off, I remember that. But how come I didn't die?" Started Jane after a moment of silence. She felt like she was in high school again, inside history class and was asking questions about dead people.

"Well, that's a good question." Sitting across from her was 'the villain' as she had decided to address him that way. "You know too much to die, Jane. In short, we need something from you, something that no one was alive but you have inside your pretty head. There are ways to lengthen one's lifetime, to keep them young for a while, you know? Takes time and money but it helped people like you and me to... what do people today say it again... _stick around_ for awhile.."

"So basically, you've decided to delay my death?" She remarked.

The villain nodded at the matter of fact nonchalantly as Jane scoffed. "What a pity that I kept you waiting. We could have had tea before you decided me to buy me an electric chair."

The man glared at the girl as if he would slit her throat with the army knife he had been playing wit all this time or having one of his man to shoot her right between her eyes. However, Jane knew that was the last thing she should be worried about. They'd waited 70 years for this day and as long as she keep her mouth shut, her life wouldn't be on the line anytime soon.

"Do not make me regret saving your life, Jane Carnahan." Cold as ice, the warning he gritted between his teeth sent a shiver down her spine.

The crying, the sound of hundreds of airplane flying above London's sky, the ear-piercing explosions, the fire, the heat and the pain. Everything rushed back to Jane as if it was only yesterday. The redhead opened her eyes as she tried to get rid of the haunting memories. She thought about reality, only to realize that tears were swelling up in her eyes unwillingly, wondering what had she done for her life was such a mess.

London, June 12th, 1944

"23 more were sent in today and that was only from another already fulled hospital."

"And more than a half of them are hopeless cases."

"We are living in the front line, girls. Things like this happen."

"What do you think Jane?"

The American stopped writing and looked at the other six faces whom she had known and worked with for over a year now. She sighed softly. "It's war. Death is natural."

The nurses nodded, silently agreed with the statement given while the girl carried on with her daily routine. One letter for a day. It had been the 978th already, all were neatly stacked into the shoebox she kept under the bunk bed. In those letters, Jane would write about her day, the people she had met. It was like a going conversation, like one of those Steve and her usually had, it made Jane feel less homesick, as if she had never left America.

"You write everyday, Jane. Why won't you just send them?" Sweet Diane asked the redhead the same question the others had been asking her for the last 14 months.

Jane shook her head, smiled sadly. "If I stopped sending them one day, waiting would be the hardest part." Sealing the envelope with the usual capital B.U.R.M.A*, she again put it away in where it would never be sent.

"I guess that's also why you didn't tell him you love him." Amy sat down next to her.

Seven nurses. Two from the US, one from France and four were British. Seven of them had met along the dreadful war and worked their hardest under the deadly air-raid under London's sky. Many of the others had died, but the seven sisters were still serving under the name of God and his mercy.

Amy, Diane, Carol and Beth were all Londoners whose houses were now nothing but ruins. Emilie was one of the lucky ones who got to the UK before the Germans had their parade on Champ Elysse. And Anna, along with Jane was of the hundreds of nurses who had answered the call for help.

"The war will be over soon. The allies will claim their victory and we'll be home." Emilie lifted up the spirit of everyone with her lovely French accent, he green eyes seemed to be beaming at the redhead as she spoke. "We all will."

"Do any of you hear that?" Carol chimed in unexpectedly. Jane looked back and forth to the rest of the ream, totally confused. "What was it Carol?"

"I don't know." The tall female replied honestly. "It was a very strange noise. A _buzz_ , I think." Suddenly, in the quietness of 1944 London, a buzzing sound echoed the air. "That's it! That's the noise!" Exclaimed Carol.

A sense of foreboding began to grow inside Jane for an unknown reason; her eyes focused on the city outside the small window and the next second, the neighborhood only a few miles away was already on fire. The sound of the bomb exploded was terrifying, but to the army, it was the alarm clock that could ring without any foreseeing.

The earth vibrated no sooner than the lethal weapon as it hit the ground, bringing down one by one the home of hundreds of families. Jane quickly stayed away from the window as far as possible and gave a brief order that no one should question.

"To the hospital! We have to help them move the patients!" The nurses nodded and swamp their way out.

Another bomb had gone off and chaos followed. Thousands of people rushed into the street, pushing each other for a place in the pavement or in the undergrounds. Against the flow of the panicking citizens, seven nurses found themselves closer to the hospital where many of dying lives were depending on their care for another day on Earth.

The army was already there, trying to shoot down the airplanes while preventing the crowd from killing themselves as they were getting more and more violent during the run. Another troop of the Allies joined the defensive line shortly, helping to gain victory with more guns and planes.

"Go back! Now!" In all of sudden, screamed Beth. Jane looked a the sky and to her horror, a bomb was closing its distance between it and the hospital's roof in deadly speed. She frantically grabbed Anna, who was running towards the Grim Reaper without knowing it, by the collar to the opposite direction. As the V-1 made a whole on the top of the building, a loud bang reared in heat and fire, ended 342 lives mercilessly.

The impact of the bomb sent the two female flying and landed them painfully on the paving street, Jane blinked hard for the ash was burning her eyes and hissed at the soreness of her left ankle.

"Anna?" Remembering her friend, the redhead coughed out the name. The grey smile slowly faded away, revealing a still body crumbling in the most awkward position possible, five feet away only. "Oh God, Anna!" Jane staggered towards the girl in hazard as she felt her heart clenched tightly. "Anna, please, wake up!" The nurse sobbed a desperate plead, she crouched down beside the 25 years-old Texan in the middle of the ruins.

Shakily, Jane tried for Anna's heartbeat but instead, all she heard was the sound of an empty corpse. Another one had died, she thought sadly, the sight of the brunette's lifeless eyes staring straight at her and a sharp piece of the bomb plunged deeply into the dead's abdomen churned the girl's stomach.

Jane swallowed a cry when she closed Anna's eyelids. People die everyday and the call of duty didn't give her time to mourn forever. Coming back to reality, Jane spotted injured civilians everywhere and it reminded her of her purpose of her coming to London here in first place.

"Diane!" A Jane noticed the British, she moved quickly. "We need to get them to safety! The army is ready to shoot!"

Diane nodded, in the corner of her eyes, there were a single tear, threatened to fall anytime now. "Who is it?" Jane questioned.

"Carol." She cracked.

The redhead's heart dropped into an endless pit. "Anna." Was all she could say.

The situation was getting out of control. Hundreds of people were hurt and that was only a part of London. Jane and Diane helped anyone they could by getting them down the undergrounds and performing immediate aid. Despite the death of Anna and Carol, Jane began to feel hopeful when she saw Beth, Amy and Emilie doing their job. Bombs and bullets from Hitler's troop were hot on their heels, however, being nurses and soldiers, the code of duty was to put others' lives ahead of themselves.

"Fuck Nazis!" Jane was running then stopped at a corner as an angry curse caught her with surprise. The voice was slightly familiar, to the nurse's amaze, she halted by the American soldier and eyes widened at the man she hadn't met since she was 22.

"Max Kinkey?!"

The soldier's attention spun at the call of his name.

"Jane Carnahan?" He stared back at her in bewilderment. "You're a nurse?"

Jane nodded dryly, she absently glanced at his nose, where she had broken when she was only 15. Not sure if she was hallucination but Jane felt like the punch she threw had made his nose look less like a deformed potato.

"You look... horrible!" Jane exclaimed but that was no lies. Max's forehead had a huge gash on it, blood caked and his face resembled a chimney boy.

"You look the same, prettier." Surprised by the old acquaintance's compliment, Jane blushed a bit.

Max's boldness amazed the girl, and so did the fact that he seemed to had forgotten that he was punched squarely in the face by a girl 2 years younger.

They stared at each other in an awkward silence, Max Kinkey looked nothing like the last time she saw him in 1940. He was more mature and in his eyes, Jane saw the spirit of a patriot, not just a bully in Brooklyn. She found it overwhelming how much war could change a man.

A bomb came flying, cutting off the girl's train of thoughts, another raid had begun, turning London into inferno.

"Come one, we have to get you outta this place!" Max acted quickly. He strode toward Jane and started to drag her away roughly.

"What? No! There are injured people out there!" Jane protested loudly. She didn't care if it was a warfare, she left Steve and her family for this, for the love of God!

"Are you crazy?! I thought you're supposed to be smart!" He yelled back, as loud as she did.

"The hell I am!" Jane roared furiously. They were wasting too much time. The redhead found the man's eyes on her intensively as if they were burning holes in her head. Max's grip on her wrist felt like an iron cuff and tried as hard as she might, Jane was stuck with the man helplessly.


	8. Chapter 8

"You'll be dead, Jane! You should have stayed back in Brooklyn!" He told her in devastation.

 _Jane? Since when it's Jane?_ Fuming in annoyance, the redhead spat. "You don't own me, Kinkey! Why are you... oh right, it's Steve, isn't it? Did he ask you to do this?"

Jane wasn't sure if she was seeing things but there was a gleam of hurt appeared briefly on Max's face. His square jaw tightened as if her words stung. "It's always about Steve Rogers to you, isn't it? He's the only thing that's important to you."

Tongue tied, Jane Carnahan stared at Max Kinkey in disbelief. And though he was right in every word he said but what astonished the young female was what he had meant behind those words.

"You're... you're not..." She began to stutter.

"I am. And I always have... for 6 years." The soldier smiled sadly as he thought about the time this one -sided love began.

"Max, I..." Jane spoke soothingly, she had no longer tried to fight back his hold.

The girl touched the man's shoulder, giving every of the condolence she managed to find through a gentle squeeze. More than anyone at that moment, Jane saw a link forming between her and the Brooklyn's bad boy. It was the link of understanding and she understood it pretty well how it feels like to love someone without them knowing it.

A thought came to Jane and she fished out a small photo from her pocket, the photo of her. Jane had always had it around, not to look at but it was meant to be given to Steve. However, like the letters she wrote, Jane didn't have the gut to have it delivered.

"If you want to, you can keep it." Max accepted the picture with hesitation. "Every soldier deserves a photo of a girl." Jane beamed at the older man, although deep down inside her, it would be wonderful if Max was Steve instead.

"You shou- " the next thing Jane, to both the nurse and soldier's surprise, was to pressed her lips on his.

It was her first kiss and it came nothing like Jane had dreamt it would. Max's lips on her was chappy a tasted like ash but she but she didn't really care. In one brief moment, Jane wondered how would it feel like, tasting Steve's lips. She somehow knew it would be soft and gentle, just like himself, and when it should happen (if there were chances that it would), Jane prayed that they wouldn't be having their necks on the line then.

A sudden movement from Max's lips woke the redhead up from the daydream and a pang of guilt soon followed as it started questioning to conscious. That kiss was a total fraud of affection, Jane realized what she had started was an act of taking advantage from the man's love confession and how selfish it was to use Max as Steve's replacement.

Jane pulled away right away as she retreated to an alley nearby. "Good luck, Max. You'll find someone you can love more than the way you love me." And with that she ran away.

The next 2 hours was the longest one Jane had experienced. With every 60 minutes passed, about 100 V-1 bombs were dropped all over London and it would not stop anytime soon. The American nurse with her hair tied up and a bloody dress had been doing everything she could since the last 120 minutes. With the help of the army medics, Jane had managed to save as many lives as one could possibly done but no matter how hard they tried, it seemed to be never enough for the London's blood bath.

"Jane! Get to the underground, now! We've done what we can!" Dr. Calvert yelled at the nurse as she began another the search for the injured.

"But there are survivors! Children, for the love of God! They deserve a chance to live!"Argued Jane as the doctor was dragging her away from another collapsed house. She understood that she was risking her life for doing this, but Jane also knew that if she got out of her, alive, all the 'I could have's would haunt her sleep every night.

" _Everyone_ deserves a chance to live but there is _one_ thing I know is that you're _not_ God, Jane! We cannot afford losing another nurse, especially one with so much potential like you. Don't you have anyone waiting for you back home? Do you really want to come back in a coffin?"

Steve. She had promised him, hadn't she? That she would be home the day it's all over and that he would be the first one she sees. The memory of that day rushed back: how she was small and delicate in Steve's arms, the way he looked at her.

Jane felt Dr. Calvert's eyes on her, waiting.

"One more leave, then I'll go. Please, only one more." Begged Jane in her own defeat and when the boss strictly gave her the order of 'one more try only', the redhead's heart did a little somersault.

"Help me... help me... please..."

Small and frantic, the childish call was all that enough to pump adrenaline into her veins. The house, luckily, was the last of the few standing in the middle of the wreckage of London. Carefully but quickly, Jane hustled towards the source of the sound.

In the middle of kitchen stood a 13 years boy in horror. His hands were shaking in fear as his figure remained unmoving.

"There you are, come out. I'll take you to safety." Encouraged Jane as she stood by the door with a smile and a 100% focus mind.

The child began cry harder, but the sound was muffled by his own hands. Jane had no idea why but it was clearly not a bright thing to do in this situation. Just as what the girl had thought, the poor kid's face turned blue in the first minute.

"It's okay, don't cry, come with me, I'm a nurse." She said.

"But there's a bomb!" The boy exclaimed in terror and Jane's heart felt like it was ripped out of her chest, shattered and ran over by a parade of tanks when the sight of a metal object lying under the table which she had failed to notice all this time.

"Oh God." Was all she could make out.

If there was a list of all the things Jane fear about death, an uncertain death would be the first one. She could handle it if the thing went off right then and there, done. However, with the thing lying there acting as if it was only a piece of harmless steel while sending fatal threat on constancy, Jane swore it was testing her guts.

"It's okay, we can do this. Do you trust me?" Sounding brave, Jane asked the boy with determination. "What's your name?"

"Ryan..." He replied.

"Alright Ryan. I need you to tell me, do you trust me? Cause I need you to trust me if we want to get out of this." _Alive_. She mentally added.

Outside, the buzzing noise dominated the sky from one to another. Seconds later, explosions after explosions started, brutally sinking London in the sea of fire. Jane's patience was running low and she was a very patience person. "Ryan?"

The kid looked between the nurse and the bomb. His lips finally parted a trembling 'yes', to the girl's relief. "I need you to move, do you understand?" His face turned white, hearing her order. "I know it's scary but that's the only way. Just walk towards me very slowly and don't look at _that thing_."

His body trembled as he stuttered in hesitation. "But-..."

"If you don't, we'll both..." Jane didn't dare to finish the sentence as she feared for Ryan and herself. The nurse looked at the child and found it hard to breath. She must save him for he still had a long life ahead to live and she must save herself, too, for Steve's sake.

Jane kept eying the boy, pleading and as Ryan gave her a little, tiny nod, she couldn't help a loud sigh of relief.

In the first time in forever, Ryan began to move, giving them both a chance of surviving. Inch by inch, Ryan's legs made their way forward. Jane could feel her heart banging like crazy as the clock made another turn. No one made a sound whilst Ryan's feet touched the wooden floor as lightly as a falling feather. For the last 2 years of her service, Jane had lived amid the bombs and bullets but not once was she this stressful. Death was only a mere eight feet away, so close but yet, so uncertain. Their time was being suffocated.

Soon later to both joy, Ryan made it to the American nurse's arms. He threw his body into her awaiting figure and held onto it tightly. Jane rubbed his back gently as her maternal sooth relieved his muscles.

"You're good, you're very brave. It's over." Hummed Jane.

The girl led Ryan to the front door where Dr. Calvert was waiting for the whole time. Out in the blue, she wondered where the boy's family was and why was he all alone. "You come out first, there's a doctor outside. He'll take you to safety, alright?"

"Are you coming with me?"

"Right behind you." Jane assured.

Ryan opened the door carefully, knowing that even the smallest movement could set the bomb off anytime. The kid stepped out to what was left of London's street. From his behind, Jane saw Dr. Calvert looking at the two as he smiled brightly with relief. She smiled back in victory, however, remember the promise, she realized Ryan would be the last soul she could save today, making a part of her sank into abyss.

Jane followed the little Londoner's lead, but no sooner had the smokey air of the night touched her skin, a loud bang cringed her ear, the ground under her feet shook violently, making her fall backwards into the house and slammed the door close.

"Oh hell no..." Jane cursed as she knew exactly what was about to come next. As fast as her instinct could take, she cornered her body to a random cabinet nearby.

 _"When this is all over, I'll be home, you'll be home, too. You're the Captain, Steve, American needs you, we need you. And for me, my team needs me, so does London. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. So promise me that you'll be there when I'm back, okay?"_

 _"Then you have to promise that you'll be home."_

 _"I_ _ **will**_ _be home, Steve. That I promise you."_

The whole house was collapsing, wall after wall, like a game of domino, crumbled to the ground. The flame was a beast growling in hunger, it quickly spread through out the area. Jane felt her lungs burning and her whole back was painfully exposed to the pieces of the bomb being scattered all over her flesh. She was going to die, Jane knew it. Everything was beginning to blur and sank into a haze as the pain reached the limit of her endurance.

 _I'm sorry Steve. I love you but I'm sorry..._

"JANE!" Someone, somewhere on the other side of the roaring fire was shouting her name but Jane could make no sound.

 _I can't be home..._


End file.
